Googlism: A New Religion

Welcome to the Modern Typewriter, a daily blog to discuss topics that can’t be answered easily, or are just some fun topics! Today is November 8th, 2008, I’m Royce, and I’m here to tell you about a religion: Googlism, the belief that the search engine Google is God.

“There is a religion called Googlism? Are you serious?” says Cody, a writer at the Modern Typewriter.

Answering his question, yes, there is a Church Of Google, believing that the search engine Google is the closest thing to God and people out there actually believe in Googlism.

“You’re actually serious? There is a religion thinking Google is God? I’m not trying to be mean, but are you kidding me?” says Melanie, another writer.

Below, is ‘proof’ that Google is God.

» PROOF #1

Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.

» PROOF #2

Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.

» PROOF #3

Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

» PROOF #4

Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.

» PROOF #5

Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.

» PROOF #6

Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google’s cache, even after you die, in a sort of “Google Afterlife”.

» PROOF #7

Google can “do no evil” (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google’s corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.

» PROOF #8

According to Google trends, the term “Google” is searched for more than the terms “God”, “Jesus”, “Allah”, “Buddha”, “Christianity”, “Islam”, “Buddhism” and “Judaism” combined.

God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional “gods”, as shown in the image below (click to enlarge).

» PROOF #9

Evidence of Google’s existence is abundant. There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google’s awesome power. No faith required.

“You can’t be serious.” says Rochester,” a writer at the Modern Typewriter. “There seriously is a religion for Google?”

Yes, there is a religion for Google.

Remember, I’m Royce, and this is the Modern Typewriter, OUT!

Image/Information retrieved from thechurchofgoogle.org.

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3 comments

  1. im going to have to agree with cody and melanie. GOOGLE?!?!?!?! all google does is bring you to sites that DO know all.

  2. I’m pretty sure Google is not God, maybe something God created to help us mere mortals but surely not God. One thing is that us mortals created the search engine Google, so how can a God be created by us? Google also isn’t all knowing too. It doesn’t have a brain nor does it actually know things, it’s the websites that have the information. It is not all present either, for what about the places that do not have a computer or acess to the internet? Google does not answer prayers either, you have to make things work out. Google will never last forever because eventually we will come up with something better than the internet or the internet will stop being used because of some disaster such as when the sun will explode ingulfing pur planet before becoming a red giant. Also just because there is evidence of Google exsisting that is the same for everything else in this world, the television, the radio, everything. I’m just wondering who was the person who thought that Google was God first and how many ‘believers’ are there?

  3. Biruk · · Reply

    Hey,
    We are not sure what tomorrow brings, we should take care of deception. Faith is the greatest component of religion. Jesus teaches us faith and and about faith. There is no room for faith in googlism.

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